Here I sit at 3:04am writing emails to different companies asking if they offer discounts or coupons to single moms. I’ve quickly come to the understanding that when you’re a single mom not only do you yourself go without but in some cases you have to give up a lot emotionally and mentally. I don’t want to say I have given up part of my dignity but I kind of feel like I have. Maybe dignity isn’t a good word. I’m not sure WHAT is a good word, maybe pride? I do know single moms do what they have to do to get things done. If that means shopping at consignment sales then we do it. If that means clipping coupons, we do it. If it means asking every company under the sun for discounts or coupons, we’re all over that. I’ve told my daughter and I’s story more times than I can count in the hopes of a kind reader who will bless us with a discount code or coupon for something my daughter needs or that I’d like for her to just have. Do I always feel good about doing this? No! but booboo has everything she could ever want so that makes me feel better. I never want her to know of my single mom worries. I do however want her to know that even if you’re “alone” you always have your family to support and love you. I sit here watching her sleep knowing that I would do anything on earth for her even if it means I don’t feel the best about myself. I WILL however feel great about providing for her. I have money but I still have to make it stretch REALLY REALLY REALLY far. The truth is I still live on one income. It’s a strange place to be.
I look at the things Kennady’s sperm donor provides for his daughter (since he claims Kennady isn’t his). Everything from clothes and trips to Sea World and Disneyland to pre school and bikes. I can’t help but to feel just a bit angry. My amazingly precious princess just doesn’t count in his world. She counts 10000000000000000000% in my world. She IS my world. She’s been my world since I peed on a stick and there were two lines. I must admit at this point I never want him in her life. He’s too flakey and I don’t want her thinking he’s going to be there and then he just doesn’t show up and stays “gone” for months. It’s just not fair or right. I don’t want his money or anything else. I just want him to stay gone. It’s my fear that he will hurt her physically or emotionally. That fear eats at my heart. I’ve heard the things he’s said to his daughter. I just refuse to allow him to do the same to my beautiful Kennady. She’s so amazing I wont let him break her spirit!
On that note I’m going to “nap”. The princess will be awake at at 4am (It’s 3:36am now) so I might as well try to get a few minutes of sleep before her nursing marathon starts lol.
Inza
