I’m DARN proud

From the time that Kennady was conceived my body has been keeping her alive. First via pregnancy and now through breastfeeding. I look at her in awe. I look at my body in awe. The things that the human body can do are amazing. I feel so blessed to even be able to nurse my child. So many women would love to be able to breastfeed their child and I am blessed enough to be able to. I pray that I am able to reach my breastfeeding goal with my tiny princess.  When Kennady was in the NICU she had trouble latching on at first. It took all the power I had to not just sit there and cry. They had me using a nipple shield and everything. I thought I wasn’t going to be able to nurse. I thought I’d be an exclusive pumper. After she was discharged we took her to the doctor for her well baby check up. I took her into one of the patient rooms and sat down. She started to cry. My first instinct was to put her to my breast and try to feed her. She latched right on and started eating and that’s where she’s been ever since.
I delayed solid foods until she was six months old. I’ve made every food my daughter has eaten from scratch. Everything from her purees to her meatloaf. I make sure everything is fresh , soy free, dairy free, nut free, fish free and gluten free. She STILL wont take a bottle but that’s ok with me. She wants her mommy milk directly from the mommy and her mommy would have it no other way.
As I sit in my glider holding the most amazing person I know how lucky I am and I thank the Lord for blessing me with this child.


Christmas 2014

Well Christmas started off quite annoying. I normally cook the full meal the night before/early morning on Christmas. Since Kennady has been born I’ve been overly tired. SO I made the stuffing Christmas eve. The kitchen looked like a hurricane hit it so my mom said she’d clean the kitchen and wash the dishes before I got up the next morning to cook the full meal. I wake up at 7am , go down stairs  and see that the kitchen was in the same state it was when I went to bed. I grabbed Kennady and went back up stairs and went back to sleep. A few hours later I came back down stairs and magically the kitchen was clean. I cooked two chickens , sweet potato pie and greens. We had dinner around 8:30pm. Then we were off to see the Christmas lights at the speed way. it was so beautiful.
All in all Kennady had a great first Christmas. I’m trying to cherish every moment with Kennady. Lord knows where we will be or what will happen next year. I must admit that I love being Kennady’s only parent. I get to experience all of her firsts. Just she and I :)
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So we went to court

On the 15th of December we had our child support hearing. I appeared via the phone due to being a breastfeeding mom. It’s funny during the hearing my daughter was in fact nursing. I knew I couldn’t leave her for hours to go to court. That and her donor dad scares the shit out of me. So yeah I was awarded child support. The exact number isn’t really important but it was well over what he wanted to pay. They asked if I agreed with a lower payment, I didn’t. He claims he pays his daughter’s mother X amount a month. This MIGHT be true but he also provides , clothes , shoes , schooling, co-pays for her medical visits and a whole lot more for her. He provides NOTHING to Kennady. I told the judge I had received nothing. Donor dad asked for leniency in terms of what he has to pay. I said no as did the judge. Then he stood there and LIED to the court. He LIED and said he had no idea how to see Kennady. I have had the same number since I was 19 years old. This is the same person who called said number a week ago. I was trying to FaceTime with my friend Danielle and it called Donor Dad by accident. So he called back and literally said “did you call me on accident?” Not ONCE did he ask how Kennady was. Not once did he ask to see her. THEN to get up in court and LIE like that?! Tho I’m not sure why that shocked me. I wish I could say the amount makes me happy but it doesn’t. Now I have to worry about this lunatic trying to take my child because he wants to pay less child support. 
I don’t think he fully understands how much he fucked himself. I NEVER once asked for cash in hand. I know how he talks/talked about his daughter’s mother behind her back when it came to child support. I wanted to avoid that. I said “Buy some diapers and wipes.” He asked what kind and size. I told him and he never did anything. I said pay off your half of her furniture. He never did that either. Not ONCE did I say give me money. He made the choice to do nothing.
He’s going to try to make me out to be the bad one but the fact remains he walked away from his sick child. He left her in the NICU and never came back. He didn’t even bother to call the entire time she was there. Hell the day I gave birth he didn’t even bother to have his phone with him just in case. He has never cared about her. WHO can look at pictures of their child in the NICU with tubes, IVs and O2 and just never come back? What kind of human being does that?
Oh and he lied about saying he’d quit his job if the payments were over a certain amount. HE SAID IT!!! HE SAID IT TO ME!!! HE’S A LIAR!!!! Again not sure why I’m shocked. Now to wait and see what happens. At this point I don’t even want the child support. I’d agree to hand it right back to him if he just went away and never came back. *sigh*
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How do you see these pictures of YOUR child, leave and never come back? I remember the feel of the plastic of her isolette, the sound it made when they opened it to get her out. The wires and how I couldn't move too much without pulling them. The roughness of the tape on her arm then on her foot. The tape that held her IVs in place. The feeling of my heart dropping when the alarm on the machine would go off and the red light on top would flash. That was a bad sign. She could have died.
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* Sorry if this post is all over the place. I’m pretty upset over the whole thing*

Ho Ho Ho

I finally got a chance to take Kennady to see Santa. We made a whole day of it. We went to Town Square for the Mrs. Claus event. At 2:30pm we got to make a stocking with Mrs. Claus. There were cookies and hot chocolate for everyone. Of course Kennady didn’t have any of that but maybe next year. After we were done with that we dropped the stocking off at the drying station and headed for the mall’s train. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes it was our turn. Kennady wasn’t too fond of the train when we first got on. She was a bit hungry and tried nursing ON THE TRAIN!!! I figured I wouldn’t “offend” the others in the train car by whipping out my boob in the middle of a kiddie train ride so I waited. The train started to move and Kennady’s face lit up. It was awesome to see. Half way through the ride she started waving at people as the train passed them. Like she was the queen of England or something. She’s such a ham. I love it! After the train ride we went to The Sugar Factory for lunch. I had a Garbage Salad and a s'mores hot chocolate. Kennady sat in a big girl high chair all by herself. It was bitter sweet. She’s getting so big so fast. She’s 9 months old already. During lunch I got a text message saying it was our turn to come to Santa’s house for pictures. Santa is quite high tech now. You sign in via mobile device and they text you when it’s your turn to go. Off to Santa’s house we went. She did really good with Santa. She didn’t cry or anything. I even got to be in a picture with her. It was a fun mommy and daughter day. The Mrs. Claus event only cost $10. For $10 we got to make the stocking, ride the train ,take pictures with Santa and got a free 5x7 photo.
Mrs. Claus experience $10
Lunch : $22
Seeing your baby with Santa for the first time: PRICELESS!

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Since Kennady is sleeping in her own bed now (most of the time. I still have the co sleeper up) I finally broke down and got the motion monitor.  Kennady is almost 9 months old. I understand the risk of SIDS drops with age but still it worries me. When you have a baby that was born having a hard time breathing and was hooked to machines in the NICU due to her breathing you end up being very paranoid. More so than the average mom. I don’t think I’ve slept more than 20 minutes at a time since Kennady was born. After sitting and watching a machine track her breathing I want to do everything possible to make sure she’s ok.
So far it seems to work pretty well. One thing that freaked me out was I turned on the monitor then went to change the baby. DON’T DO THAT!!!  It lets off this screeching alarm which is a good thing if your baby stops breathing but a bad one if you’re just changing her diaper. Now when I take her out of her bed I make sure to turn the monitor OFF of sound and motion and just leave it on sound. Leaving it on sound is easier than powering the whole thing off. To power it off you have to hold the power button for a second and at 3am with a crying baby it’s just easier to flick the switch to sound only to avoid the alarm going off. The nursery unit also has a really cool night light on it that has come in very handy. The parent handset is nice.  It has lights on it that indicate power and sound. You also have 3 separate channels to pick from for your signal. The motion part of the monitor beeps to show that the baby is still breathing. If the baby stops breathing the alarm sounds through the parent handset and the nursery base. Having the alarm sound in two different locations is great. The parent handset runs on 3 AAA batteries. It came with  rechargeable batteries so that’s always good. I already have a battery charging unit so it all worked out. I’m a huge believer in rechargeable batteries when you have kids.
For less than $100 it was well worth it for a bit of piece of mind.

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I also went ahead and bought a video monitor. It was on sale at Babies R Us for $49.99. I figured for $50 I’d try it out and see how it worked. It works good. The picture quality isn’t that great but it does what it needs to do. You have to put it pretty far away from the baby to get a nice shot. The cord is also quite short so if where you want to place the monitor isn’t right on top of the outlet you’ll have to get an extension cord which I’m not sure would even be safe. I would suggest against that. The battery in the parent unit is quite weak. The longest I’ve gotten it to last before it died was an hour and a half at the most. The cord for the parent unit is also very short. Seeing that it has to be plugged in for extended use a short cord isn’t always a good thing. Overall this is a good monitor. The sound is clear and doesn’t tend to cut out even with my AngelCare monitor plugged in next to it. For the price it’s not a bad deal.
It seems I have traded staring at a machine in the NICU for listening to the beeping sounds coming from Kennady’s monitor telling me she’s still breathing. It’s hard to not be worried about her all the time.

Inza <3

Happy Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for. I have a loving family and the most amazing daughter ever. The road may not be easy but I am overly thankful for being able to take this journey with Kennady and my family. 

I hope everyone has an amazing day filled with love and good food.


<3 Inza and Kennady

I <3 her pictures

On Friday Kennady took her first Christmas pictures. I think they turned out cute even though the little stinker refused to really smile. She has the most gorgeous smile but when she gets in front of a professional camera or heck a camera in general it takes so much just to get her to smile. She’s the happiest baby I’ve ever seen but when a camera comes out she gets all serious and studies the camera and the person behind it. Here’s a few of the shots I liked. I liked a lot of different ones and may have to order more prints. Not bad for JCPenny , right?

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Baby’s first Christmas Ornament

My friend Kathy is an amazing clay artist. She makes all of her items by hand. When I was looking for a place to get Kennady’s first Christmas ornament the first person I went to was her. While I was pregnant I read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to Kennady nightly. It’s a tradition we still carry on. She loves that book. She smiles, laughs , touches the pictures and chews on the cardboard pages. She seems to really enjoy it. While I was pregnant if I wanted her to move around and kick  I’d read The Very Hungry Caterpillar and sing her the theme song from Barney. Yeah yeah yeah I know Barney *twitch*  lol I thought it was fitting that her first ornament was based on the book that started it all. The book that started Kennady and I’s reading relationship. I think it turned out amazing. I’m thrilled.
Check out Bits Of Joy!

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Christmas pictures

I want to do Kennady’s “first Christmas” photos but professional photographers are very costly  so we’re going to JCPenny. I found some great coupons for photos so that’s what we’re going with. I found two great dresses at a consignment shop both were $4.99. There was a lady there who picked up what looked like the dress I REALLY wanted but I think after trying these dresses on my princess they were just perfect. I love going in and thinking I know exactly what I want then ending up with something I didn’t even know I wanted. Normally it turns out even better. Now the key is to pick which dress will look best in pictures. Hmmmmm I’ll keep ya posted. Our appointment is at 4:00pm today.
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WAHM ~ Online Juror

Have you ever wanted to be a juror , get paid for it AND do it from the comfort of your own home? Here is your chance. www.onlineverdict.com is always looking for online jurors to try their cases in front of before they go before a "real" jury in a court of law. Think of it as a mock trial of sorts.
Here's how it works:
  1. Attorneys submit their case information and questions for the jury on the OnlineVerdict.com website.
  2. As an eligible online juror you may be asked to review cases that are filed in your county or federal district. You will receive an email invitation from OnlineVerdict.com to review the case at your convenience, but once enough responses are received, the case will close and no additional participants are needed.
  3. Your email invitation will provide a link to the OnlineVerdict.com website. After you log in you will be directed to the case and asked to agree to the confidentiality policy, review the case materials and answer all questions about that case.
    There are no right or wrong answers. We are only looking for your honest reaction to the information that was presented to you. Your time commitment for each case will vary from 20 minutes to 1 hour depending on the details of the case, but you always have the option to choose which cases you want to review. The estimated time commitment for each case will be included in your email invitation.
  4. After you complete a case you will be paid for your time. Payment amounts vary depending on the complexity and length of the case you review, but payments start at $20 per case and can go up to $60 per case. Checks are mailed once a month to the address you have on file in your OnlineVerdict.com account. The number of cases you may be asked to review will also vary depending on the number of attorneys in your area who are using this service.

To answer the age old question YES this is legit. If you follow the rules and do everything you're supposed to do YES you will get paid.
Happy Juroring (is that even a word? lol)


This has been a big week in our lives. On 11/13/14 Kennady said her very first word. It was mom! She was standing in my lap looking directly at me and out of the blue she yelled MOM! As clear as day. My mom and I started screaming with excitement. Kennady looked at her grandma then looked at me stuck out her bottom lip and began to cry. We scared her. Ooops!! I wont lie I was afraid her first word would be something else. I know it seems silly but every mom wants their child’s first word to be mom. When you’re the one who takes care of this beautiful little person you want them to call your name first. I’m super blessed that she looked at me and called my name before anyone else’s. Granted I don’t think Kennady will be saying it again anytime soon since we scared the daylights out of her but hey once was enough for me…. for now.

My mom said the nicest thing

We were at Gymboree today talking to Kennady’s teacher Miss Lindsiee about the hand print turkey Kennady had just made. Let me back track, on Saturday I took Kennady to the Babies R Us “Baby’s First Christmas” event for babies born between November and March. We made adorable hand print reindeer ornaments. I also got myself a Christmas gift. I got mine and Kennady’s hand prints done by a company called Tiny Impressions. I’m very excited. So anyway back to my mom, she was telling Miss Lindsiee about how I try my hardest to expose Kennady to everything for babies. It may not seem like much but from MY mother that’s  a high five. At least she notices the effort I’m putting in to make sure Kennady can do and see everything. Just because I’m a single mom doesn’t mean my child has to miss out on anything. I try really hard and it was just nice that someone noticed that I’m trying. It feels good. Kennady is my world.

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How many brands do you see?

I took a picture at the McKee Ranch last week and realized after looking at it that I am VERY loyal to brands I like.  Lets run down the line shall we.
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1. My Bugaboo Stroller ~ Now this stroller was on my wish list since before I got pregnant with Kennady. I love the versatility of this stroller. It comes with the bassinet and a toddler seat. It took me a few weeks to get used to opening and closing it. You have to take it apart in order to fold it BUT after you get used to it it’s pretty easy. Kennady is a tiny baby so the seat belt in the Bugaboo isn’t the best. It’s way too big and of course I didn’t notice this until we got to the farm the other day. She didn’t try to get out so it wasn’t too big of a problem.

2. Skip Hop Stroller Toy – I got this about an hour before going to the farm the other day. Kennady is used to having toys to play with while she rides in her infant car seat. I figured I’d heard so many good thing that I might as well run and pick one up before we went on our Gymboree mom outing. It attaches via velcro onto any stroller bar. Kennady loves loves LOVES it. It has a mirror, rattle , soft toy and crinkle toy. It’s very well constructed. Kennady tugged, chewed and beat on it all day. Well worth the $20

3. JuJuBe BeHip Bag – I went all the way to Costa Mesa California to get this bag and let me tell you it was well worth the trip. The inside is a shiny silky pink that wipes down very easily with a baby wipe. I like this bag because it’s a longer bag and very roomy. For me a longer bag works better a lot of the time. My much larger and much wider Coach diaper bag is great for travel but a day trip doesn’t require such a large bag and it tends to get in the way. The BeHip has an adjustable strap with a padded shoulder. The best perk is it’s machine washable. This is my new go to bag.

4. SkipHop Stroller organizer – Now this is my favorite. There is no basket or anything on the Bugaboo to put your cell phone or cup in. I went looking for something cute and found the SkipHop Stroller organizer. It has a spot for two cups or bottles plus a spot in the middle for just about anything. I put my cell phone in the middle compartment. THEN there is this cute zipper pouch on the front. I call it the mommy pouch. You can put your cash, ID and anything else you need in there. Now here’s the fun part the pouch ZIPS OFF!! That’s right it’s like a mini mommy purse that you can take away from the stroller with you. The quality of the fabric is amazing. It easily wipes off with a baby wipe

So far I haven’t gotten anything from SkipHop or JuJuBe that I don’t just love. With as much research and hands on testing I did with the Bugaboo I knew I’d love it.


My JuJuBe Haul


I totally forgot to tell everyone about the awesome sale I went to…sorta. The company JuJuBe  had a really cool warehouse sale. The company was moving so they had to get rid of a lot of inventory quickly.  I’m still new to the JuJuBe world but I’m a sucker for a deal on good products. My friend Laura is a total JuJuBe girl so I figured since she’s been so nice to Kennady and I that I’d go and pick her up a nice BRB bag. So here’s where my plan went haywire. The JuJuBe sale was on a Friday I read it wrong and showed up at the warehouse on SATURDAY!!! Yes, I showed up on the wrong day!!! Thankfully when I got there there was a man there still dealing with the left over inventory and he let me in to shop!! Oh did I mention that we drove 60 miles to get there?!?! Yeah mommy brain in full effect.  Sadly they didn’t have anymore BRB bags for Laura but I did get her and her mom two sets so at least I was able to get her something nice.  Lets run down my haul shall we?!

3 JuJuBe Sets

1 Memory Foam changing pad

1 JuJuBe Be Hip Bag (the brown and pink)

1 JuJuBe Be Thrifty Wallet (for my mom)

1 JuJuBe Mighty Be (black with pink)

The even cooler thing was the man who was still at the warehouse gave me an even better deal than what was listen on the price list. I got 7 items for $70 !!!

I didn’t get the bag that I was after but I  got (to me) even cooler stuff. The quality of these bags and pad are amazing AND total mommy perk everything can be tossed in the washing machine!! YES!!!! As a mom to an almost 8 month old I think everything should be machine washable. I think I am now a JuJuBe addict. I want all the cool prints now. The quality is worth the extra money.



A day at the farm


Yesterday started off pretty craptastic but I’ll explain more about that another day. Kennady , my mom and I ended the day by going to a farm with the Gymboree moms. Now I’m a California girl born and raised. I don’t don’t do farms. The kind of farms I do are setup in parking lots during Halloween with a horse , some hay and a few hundred pumpkins. So I was thinking this would be much the same. NO, NO it wasn’t. This was a real life ranch. Chickens, horses and flies OH MY!!! First we took some professional pictures with the ranch’s photographer then we walked around looking at and feeding all the animals.

When we first got there I was thinking OMG what was I thinking bringing the Bugaboo stroller to a ranch with poop all over the ground?! I met up with the rest of our group and saw that I wasn’t the only one with a pricey stroller in the horse muck. I felt not so stupid after that. Kennady had fun. She saw a bunch of animals she’d never seen before and even touched the horse. She giggled and smiled. It felt great to see her smile seeing that hours earlier she was screaming and upset.

My mom and I were standing around waiting because the moms had said they wanted to take a group picture with all the babies. So we waited and waited and waited. Finally my mom said well lets head home. I said ok. As we are walking out we saw all the moms standing near the front. They had already taken the group picture without Kennady. I was kinda sad. I know she’ll never remember any of this stuff but for right NOW she’s happy and enjoys it. So her not being in the group picture kinda bummed me out. Thankfully I took a ton of pictures on my own.

The ranch is open year round for free. When she’s a bit older I am for sure going to take her back.

Thank you McKee Ranch!! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pumpkin-Patch-at-the-McKee-Ranch/155899237836214 



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Pissed as hell


It’s almost 3am and here I sit. I have been ordered by the court to take my beautiful baby girl to the lab today and have her tiny little mouth swabbed for a DNA test. I didn’t think it would piss me off. After all I have nothing to hide and I agreed to it.  The only reason I agreed to it was because I saw and heard the horrible things the donor would say about his daughter’s mother. Things about how he didn’t even know if the kid is his and that she was some sort of “slut”. Mind you these things were said in FRONT of his daughter. His claim now is that he had the daughter DNA tested without the consent or knowledge of the mother. THAT IS NOT OK WITH ME!!! What kind of piece of shit does that??!?! Oh wait the kind I reproduced with.

I’m pissed because I’m NOT the kind of person who doesn’t know who her child’s father is. I’m pissed because I was never a cheater. I’m pissed because I feel like some sort of common street trash who sleeps with everyone so they have to test her kid. This is so not me. I’m one of those dorky women who when she loves you that’s it. It’s you and only you. I WISH someone else was Kennady’s father, sadly my wish will never come true. Unless of course I meet a nice man who loves Kennady and I and wants to  marry me and adopt her. I’m too paranoid to even date anyone. My fear is someone will hurt my tiny princess. But I can dream, right?




Breastfeeding heaven!

I’ve been hearing all my friends talk about how great the mother’s room inside Nordstrom. I finally ventured out to the mall to check it out. First off the women’s lounge is very roomy and comfy/ You walk in and see these big cushy couches. There’s a door leading into the actual restroom through the lounge. On the other side of the lounge is a sign that says “Mother’s room”. I walked and there was a single comfy chair, changing table , sink and vending machine. For $1 you get a diaper , changing pad and wipes. I sat and nursed my tiny person in peace , quiet and luxury. I like that it is not only separate from the actual restroom but separate from the women’s lounge. It’s a mommy room all its own. I LOVE IT!! Thank you Nordstrom for thinking about mommies.


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