I’m trying not to be on the bitter train but sometimes it’s hard. Thankfully my daughter wants for NOTHING. I was sitting here deleting files from my computer and I came across photos from my old phone. There were a few pictures of Damon and I but more pictures of the things we used to do and pictures of the things HE said he was going to get Kennady. Pictures of things I went out of my way and bought and/or made for his daughter (a child that isn’t even mine). Pictures of dinners I cooked for not only him but his mother. The wedding dresses we had BOTH looked at. WHY LIE?!?!!? Why not just say I would like to have sex and leave it at that? Why promise the world? Why say you love someone? Why lead them to believe you will have a life together? That’s just sick and wrong. We looked at baby stuff together and even went to MommyCon. Granted we got there late because his mommy needed to go somewhere right as we were supposed to go. We only went because I won tickets. He kept telling me he’d get the tickets and never bothered to. The same went for Gear-a-palooza. I didn’t end up getting to go to Gear-a-palooza because he kept saying he would get the tickets and by the time I was done waiting on him the tickets were sold out. Totally me fault for waiting. Ok Maybe I’m not pissed I’m just hurt. I cry not because I give a damn about him. I cry because how in heck am I going to teach Kennady how to protect her heart when I can’t even protect mine? How do I teach her to not fall for all the “nice” words when I couldn’t? I gave my heart and got kicked in it. I gave my heart and it got stomped on. I gave my heart and I got the love of my life. My Kennady. For that I thank God for daily. As I watch her sleep I think of all the things we’re going to do and experience together. Not the things I was stupid about. I would have respected him more had he just said “hey I just want to have sex with you.” I can’t respect someone to plays with someone’s heart and abandons their child. I have yet to give up on love. I will find it one day. God has someone who is right for me and my offspring. Someone will love us and until then I love us, my family loves us, Amy loves us. We have so much love. We are very lucky.
***You know I even joined online groups about being a good step parent and how not to over step my place and not upset his daughter’s mother. I took it all so seriously and I was the only one who did. ***
Inza
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