Am I pissed? HELL YES!

 

I’m trying not to be on the bitter train but sometimes it’s hard. Thankfully my daughter wants for NOTHING. I was sitting here deleting files from my computer and I came across photos from my old phone. There were a few pictures of Damon and I but more pictures of the things we used to do and pictures of the things HE said he was going to get Kennady. Pictures of things I went out of my way and bought and/or made for his daughter (a child that isn’t even mine). Pictures of dinners I cooked for not only him but his mother. The wedding dresses we had BOTH looked at. WHY LIE?!?!!? Why not just say I would like to have sex and leave it at that? Why promise the world? Why say you love someone? Why lead them to believe you will have a life together? That’s just sick and wrong. We looked at baby stuff together and even went to MommyCon. Granted we got there late because his mommy needed to go somewhere right as we were supposed to go. We only went because I won tickets. He kept telling me he’d get the tickets and never bothered to. The same went for Gear-a-palooza. I didn’t end up getting to go to Gear-a-palooza because he kept saying he would get the tickets and by the time I was done waiting on him the tickets were sold out. Totally me fault for waiting. Ok Maybe I’m not pissed I’m just hurt. I cry not because I give a damn about him. I cry because how in heck am I going to teach Kennady how to protect her heart when I can’t even protect mine? How do I teach her to not fall for all the “nice” words when I couldn’t?  I gave my heart and got kicked in it. I gave my heart and it got stomped on. I gave my heart and I got the love of my life. My Kennady. For that I thank God for daily. As I watch her sleep I think of all the things we’re going to do and experience together. Not the things I was stupid about. I would have respected him more had he just said “hey I just want to have sex with you.” I can’t respect someone to plays with someone’s heart and abandons their child.  I have yet to give up on love. I will find it one day. God has someone who is right for me and my offspring. Someone will love us and until then I love us, my family loves us, Amy loves us. We have so much love. We are very lucky.

***You know I even joined online groups about being a good step parent and how not to over step my place and not upset his daughter’s mother.  I took it all so seriously and I was the only one who did. ***

Inza

YAY A New VoxBox!!

As most of you know I'm a member of the Influenster team. I get these really cool boxes full of free products to test called VoxBoxes. Well I got a new one in the mail yesterday called the VowVoxBox. It's wedding season so that's the theme of the box. I got all sorts of cool stuff. Stay tuned for some reviews and stuff about the great products I got. If you'd like an invite to take part in the Influenster program please let me know. I’m way too excited about this box lol 

Inza

FROG SEAT!!!

I must sing the praises of Fisher Price once again. NO I’m not being paid for this ha ha. Kennady is able to hold her own head up now and I was looking for a seat so she could practice sitting up. I got a Bumbo seat and a Super Seat by Summer Infant. She liked both seats. She seemed to be able to sit in the Bumbo seat a bit longer than the Super Seat. With the Super Seat she seemed to sit weird and the inner infant seat was hard and moved very easily. I went online and saw the Sit Me Up Seat by Fisher Price. I was kind of iffy when I first saw it because it only had two toys on it for the baby to play with. I purchased the frog seat and sat my tiny human in it. SHE LOVED IT!!! She actually played with the toys. She hasn’t shown much interest in toys before this. She laughed and played for about 15 minutes before bed. The next morning I returned the Super Seat! Fisher Price’s products are just amazing ! I love them and more importantly Kennady loves them and that IS the point, right?


Kennady’s mommy

You have a shopping problem when…..

 

I’ve discovered consignment events and stores. When I was around 30 weeks pregnant my perinatal nurse told me about something called MooLaLa. She was talking about it like it was the best thing since the epidural. I didn’t pay much attention to her. I was too stressed about other stuff. She mentioned it again at around 35 weeks. By then I was very interested. I went to their website and signed up for the new mom event. I had no idea what I was getting into. If you’ve read my past updates you’ll know this is the event I went into labor at lol https://www.facebook.com/MooLaLaBoutiqueRedlands WELL I have discovered there are MORE of these events!!! YES MORE and I think I have attended them all lol.

Spending time in Las Vegas with my family every now and then has opened me up to a lot of new shops and events. The first one I found was https://www.facebook.com/AsTheyGrowLV . This event was just like MooLaLa. There were over 40,000 items everything from clothes to strollers. I missed the deadline to register as a new mommy so it was pretty picked through when I got there. I didn’t buy anything because everything I was looking for was gone. Had Kennady needed clothes I would have been in heaven but clothes…yeah Kennady has those lol  Now what I forgot to mention is that before going to “As They Grow” I went to the Tiny Wardrobe 25 cent sale https://www.facebook.com/TheTinyWardrobe . YES 25 CENTS PER ITEM!!! Oh did I do some damage. WAIT there’s more the hour BEFORE the 25 cent sale ALL clothes in the store were $1 a piece. Even more damage was done then.

I already have my next trip planned. http://www.almostnewkids.com/ I’ll let you know how this one is. I already signed up for their new mommy event.

MY NAME IS INZA AND I’M A SHOP-A-HOLIC  but I get everything at a good price !!! When you shop on a budget it means you can buy even more stuff and that’s the fun part.

 

Inza

Thank you Fisher Price

My mother got a second hand swing for Kennady. It was the exact swing I had been looking at online. I LOVE it! The swing was missing the cord and the toy tray. They sell the cord on their website for $9 and a lamb toy tray for like $15. The lamb toy tray goes with the lamb swing not the sugar plum swing that we have. I emailed them asking if they had the matching Sugar Plum toy tray. Well I guess I was having one of my personal pity party days and told them all about my daughter and how she was in the NICU and everything else. Seems they felt for me and I got the most lovely email congratulating me on the birth of my daughter and that they were gifting me both the toy tray and the plug. I sat and cried like a baby. Sometimes it’s amazing to just know there are nice people and companies still out there. Not everyone is heartless and self absorbed. I have always loved Fisher Price’s products and now I love their company even more. So I would like to publically say THANK YOU to Fisher Price. My baby is a VERY happy camper and mommy is happy to not have to spend my life savings buying batteries.

  

HOW DARE YOU?!!?!?

I have been sitting here festering over this shit for a couple weeks now. Damon called out of the blue babbling about wanting to help support Kennady and stuff.  So anyway he says that no one took into consideration that he drove two hours to the hospital the day AFTER I had Kennady. He whined about not getting to see her and me not taking him down to the NICU. EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME….. I had just been cut open less than 24 hours before this. I had a horrible cough which was hell on my stitches and made it so I couldn’t see my own baby in the NICU because I could make her or the other babies sick.  Which I would NEVER want. But I should have gotten up out of bed after having major surgery gotten into a wheel chair to take a “man” down to the NICU who hasn’t even been around during my pregnancy? ARE YOU KIDDIGN ME?!?!!? His reply to all of this was “Well this isn’t about you.” YES that’s the problem. He seems to think everything is about HIM. It’s NOT! It’s about Kennady!
He then had the audacity to say he’s “hurt” and “upset” because I act like he doesn’t care about Kennady. I don’t have to act like it he has shown it. He hasn’t purchased not one thing. My BFF, my family and I have purchased everything Kennady needs and then some.
I am starting to really understand why women let their kids’ father’s off the hook with child support. You get to the point where you want nothing from them but for them to go away and never return. UGH!
I fear my latest and future posts will get me into trouble. I guess to a point if something happens to me that’s not “natural”  maybe my posts will help point to who did it. I am trying to no longer be afraid of Damon’s anger and outbursts. I’m taking back my life and giving Kennady her best shot at a good life.
 

My pregnancy regrets

I have quite a few pregnancy regrets. Some are silly and trivial and some are kind of important.
I regret…
* Not telling people sooner
* Not telling my mother in a proper manner
* Not going to more mommy/baby conventions
* Not taking more pregnancy pictures
* Not having a great maternity style
* Not taking more heart beat videos
* Not getting one of those heart beat bears (I was told they were stupid)
* Crying so much for the wrong reasons
* Not having a real gender reveal party
* Trusting Damon
* Letting the fear get the best of me
* Not writing more
* Not getting to do my NoH8 maternity photo
* Not taking the positive parenting class because I was told it was “Stupid white people shit” by Damon)
* Feeling like I was the bad one for wanting the above things and more
* Not standing up for myself and my daughter sooner.
I wasn’t abused in the physical sense but in the mental and emotional sense. Which from what my counselor has told me countless times is just as bad. Physical scars can heal, the mental ones can stay with you for life. I guess I believe that. Though I know women who’s physical scars have never healed either. The emotional torture from 22 weeks gestation on was almost debilitating. Now the torture is just frightening. So that being said my main regret is allowing someone else to steal my joy. Allowing Damon to make my pregnancy emotionally horrible when it should have been the best time of my life.
Kennady and I are some sort of dirty little secret I found out. Damon hadn’t bothered to tell his mother (who he lives with) that I was even pregnant. A huge part of me thinks I was starting to show so it was time for me to go away so no one knew. To this day Damon has never met her or done anything for her. At this point I’d like him to just go away and never bother us again.  He now also wants a DNA test for Kennady. He has the nerve to think she isn’t his. THAT is like a kick in the stomach. This is so hard for me to admit. I thought I was way smarter than this. I got played. I’ll live but just WOW!
* I’ve written this post about  a dozen times and I always delete it. My blog is my honest look at my life so I “have” to say it , I guess…….right?