I have quite a few pregnancy regrets. Some are silly and trivial and some are kind of important.
I regret…
* Not telling people sooner
* Not telling my mother in a proper manner
* Not going to more mommy/baby conventions
* Not taking more pregnancy pictures
* Not having a great maternity style
* Not taking more heart beat videos
* Not getting one of those heart beat bears (I was told they were stupid)
* Crying so much for the wrong reasons
* Not having a real gender reveal party
* Trusting Damon
* Letting the fear get the best of me
* Not writing more
* Not getting to do my NoH8 maternity photo
* Not taking the positive parenting class because I was told it was “Stupid white people shit” by Damon)
* Feeling like I was the bad one for wanting the above things and more
* Not standing up for myself and my daughter sooner.
I wasn’t abused in the physical sense but in the mental and emotional sense. Which from what my counselor has told me countless times is just as bad. Physical scars can heal, the mental ones can stay with you for life. I guess I believe that. Though I know women who’s physical scars have never healed either. The emotional torture from 22 weeks gestation on was almost debilitating. Now the torture is just frightening. So that being said my main regret is allowing someone else to steal my joy. Allowing Damon to make my pregnancy emotionally horrible when it should have been the best time of my life.
Kennady and I are some sort of dirty little secret I found out. Damon hadn’t bothered to tell his mother (who he lives with) that I was even pregnant. A huge part of me thinks I was starting to show so it was time for me to go away so no one knew. To this day Damon has never met her or done anything for her. At this point I’d like him to just go away and never bother us again. He now also wants a DNA test for Kennady. He has the nerve to think she isn’t his. THAT is like a kick in the stomach. This is so hard for me to admit. I thought I was way smarter than this. I got played. I’ll live but just WOW!
* I’ve written this post about a dozen times and I always delete it. My blog is my honest look at my life so I “have” to say it , I guess…….right?
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